First, I am sorry for writing so much (I got carried away) and I know this is a blog for writing about our readings, but I would like to release some built up annoyance and vexation if I may (no one ever reads my blog anyway, so I see no problem about writing about my pain and frustration too). Back in October I wrote a blog lamenting about how stressed out I was. I touched on the subject of how my school work was getting built up and how close I was to getting a visit from the nice men in the white coats. I am close to that point again I fear. On my plate right at the moment I have about 3 novels to read which reaches over 1500 pages, I have 2 important essays to write adding up to about 20ish pages, a hard Psych test to study for (all for this Tuesday and Wednesday by the way!!), and not to mention all the organizing and cramming that is coming up for finals soon. I could hardly squeeze in 30 minutes from my reading and writing to scribble this! Please don’t think that this is a complaint about this class for (honestly) I quite like this class. True, there is a lot of reading involved (what more do you expect in a literature class), but there is a whole week in-between classes, so I can manage alright. It is all the classes I have put together that pulls me down (literally) and it is hard to get back up sometimes.
Some students have the art of balancing their time so well- oh, how I envy them. Some can take 6 classes, work full time, get on the dean list with straight A’s, and still have time for extra things like sports, friends, and (must be nice) dating. I am lucky to manage only 4 classes and work 3 days a week yet its hard work! I can’t remember the last time I ever went out anywhere fun (sniff) or had a day where I didn’t stress about the next thing that is screaming to be due. I feel like I work hard and I don’t really slack off. What am I to do to prosper- quit work? I was not lucky enough to have millionaires for parents to pay my University for me. If I keep my job I don’t do great in school, but if I quit my job I can’t go to school. I am stuck (unless I win the lottery! It could happen…)
What to do when teachers expect their class to take propriety over all the others? I am paying (a lot by the way) to go to school, but all it seems to do is make my stomach constantly in knots until I can blissfully recover during the breaks of Christmas and summer. Deep down I know school does more goodness than that, but at the moment I wonder why I love school so much. Perhaps I need mediation or yoga to help get insight into my inner peaceful hippy. There have been times when I would just love to scream at the top of my lungs or punch something really hard to let off some steam (I may have anger issues lol) but that wouldn’t help my case to stay out of a mental hospital, would it?
I am not a wimp for I try hard and I pay attention. On my essays I work for weeks re-reading it thousands of times and I spend hours studying my hardest- so why in heavens name am I not making straight A’s? Oh, how I would love to make an “A” on an essay, sigh- but that will never happen. Like an essay I have for another class that I just finished now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, nothing at all, yet something will be found to drop my mark down. I could work for months yet it is not done perfect enough for some. True, C’s and B’s are a pass and in my parents opinion a super great mark, but I just spent the last week getting finger cramps, bloodshot eyes, and missing out of some sort of normal life away from my desk, so I feel a little discouraged and tempered. I would understand if it made sense why I was losing marks for something other than a dot in the wrong place or if I did something extremely wrong, but through the writing center, peer reviews galore, and doing everything by the book, I can never win! I am not conceited but I believe my essays are pretty well written. I almost want to hug my poor papers when they come back to comfort them for they get bullied, kicked and stabbed with the red ink. They are my proud creations, my babies if you will, and they are a little part of me (it is true, no matter how weird it sounds) and I put my heart and soul into writing every one. I should be getting stabbed with red ink not my poor papers for it was I that created them! (I have personification problems too). Still, I will always be proud of them no matter the redness, blobs or scratches done especially if reasons for the harshness are not really explained or make no sense to me.
I know this sounds like I am whining (or have serious mental problems), but if a student reads this (I doubt it) then I am sure I am not alone by disapproving how undervalued our creations are and complaining (and crying) about the amount of work that get poured on all at the same time with the feeling like one is drowning!
